I would like to ask why I do not have his enthusiasm, his passion in what he is doing. I would be happy to have one tenth of it.
We were drinking some coffee and having a chat. Actually, he was giving a monologue-type speech about an article appeared on an important journal and regarding also his work, but done by the concurrence. It lasted at least one hour, probably more because I did not consider the time we walked to the café and when, after we left, he thought about some details he did not share yet and almost repeated everything again, adding his plans on what to do next.
I am simply envious of all this enthusiasm, of this love for his profession, for both positive and negative aspects of it. It is just a true love for his work. And I, for my work, I don't have it. I just count the minutes of when I can leave the office, already on the Sunday morning I get bad mood thinking about the Monday morning, and I don't spend any of my free time reading about job-related topics. Only the complaining about the own job with friends who are also colleagues occupies sometime a non-working activity. That's it.
I don't know what to do about it. I actually have a quite nice job, quite well-paid, and with nice benefits and a lot of paid vacation. And, people say I am good at it. I feel ashamed to even complain or to feel sad about my job. Nevertheless, I can't help it. It is slowly destroying myself. I have no time to take care of my hobbies (ok, I have far too many, but this is another topic) or even just to read and stay informed. And, what is worse, I arrive home incredibly tired, just wanting to eat and sleep.
But the real problem is: right now, I do not feel like I have an alternative. I do not know what else I could do. Sometimes, I think it is just the company, poorly managed and with some strange people. So, I could just change company, and voilà, problem solved. Or, I could just really change field. Maybe using one of my hobbies as starting point, or an old dream. But I don't think I have enough money to risk - and honestly, I might just fail - and I do not like to fail.
So, I should just search for another company somewhere. Writing cover letters and resumes, and wait and hope. And hopefully it was only all about the company, and not my job itself. Sometimes I doubt it, but I have to start with something...
We were drinking some coffee and having a chat. Actually, he was giving a monologue-type speech about an article appeared on an important journal and regarding also his work, but done by the concurrence. It lasted at least one hour, probably more because I did not consider the time we walked to the café and when, after we left, he thought about some details he did not share yet and almost repeated everything again, adding his plans on what to do next.
I am simply envious of all this enthusiasm, of this love for his profession, for both positive and negative aspects of it. It is just a true love for his work. And I, for my work, I don't have it. I just count the minutes of when I can leave the office, already on the Sunday morning I get bad mood thinking about the Monday morning, and I don't spend any of my free time reading about job-related topics. Only the complaining about the own job with friends who are also colleagues occupies sometime a non-working activity. That's it.
I don't know what to do about it. I actually have a quite nice job, quite well-paid, and with nice benefits and a lot of paid vacation. And, people say I am good at it. I feel ashamed to even complain or to feel sad about my job. Nevertheless, I can't help it. It is slowly destroying myself. I have no time to take care of my hobbies (ok, I have far too many, but this is another topic) or even just to read and stay informed. And, what is worse, I arrive home incredibly tired, just wanting to eat and sleep.
But the real problem is: right now, I do not feel like I have an alternative. I do not know what else I could do. Sometimes, I think it is just the company, poorly managed and with some strange people. So, I could just change company, and voilà, problem solved. Or, I could just really change field. Maybe using one of my hobbies as starting point, or an old dream. But I don't think I have enough money to risk - and honestly, I might just fail - and I do not like to fail.
So, I should just search for another company somewhere. Writing cover letters and resumes, and wait and hope. And hopefully it was only all about the company, and not my job itself. Sometimes I doubt it, but I have to start with something...
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