What I will miss of Germany

I woud like to ask people who lived in Germany for a while and now are somewhere else what do they miss of Germany. Some might say the beer, some others the perfect organisation of many public services, or others again the exhausting bureaucracy.
For me, I could think about two things in particular right now.

Dreaming, dreaming

I would like to ask whether you ever had this feeling you took all wrong decisions in your life. You do your stuff every day and you keep thinking about how many other things you could do, how much time you do NOT have to do what you enjoy, how many other people you could meet, in which other place you could be. You start dreaming and dreaming, and then you stop thinking about the relative safety your job and daily life gives you, and then you start again. Many job seems better than yours, many places seems better to leave than when you are.

Seated break

I would like to ask what happens when you have finished all what you were supposed to do. When you sit down, on a rock in the park, on the chair in the kitchen drinking tea, or on the floor of an empty apartment. And you think, "men, I do not remember when it was the last time I was sitting like this". And the following thought is sometimes, "But what did I do all this time? Why could I not sit here?".

Writing, moving, sleeping

I would like to ask whether it makes more sense, now, to write something here or just to go to bed. I wanted to try to write something every day, or every couple of days, but the fact that I am moving is taking me so much energy and effort and time and thinking, that I am not able, in these days, to also think about something to say and then write it.

Panic moment

I would like to ask what do you do when you feel like you don't manage anymore, you can't do all what you had planned, you get confused and don't get straight your thoughts about your movements, and you think I will never manage, aaaaaaah.

Walking at night

I would like to ask what I was thinking few years ago in the case I was walking back home at night. Was I worried and scared, or was I enjoying the night atmosphere? I remember both cases, but I can't think of when the one stopped and the being frightened got more frequent.
Since quite a long time I did not have the occasion of walking back home through the town when completely dark and late enough to be desert - in the last time, I was by car or by taxi or by tram.
Somehow, I forgot how it feels. The empty roads, the silent streets, round light spots on your way and square ones along the houses.

Bad mood and changes

I would like to ask whether it is rare, sometimes, that one has bad mood and does not know why. When it happens to me, first I think that I am tired and I need sleep. But if this is not the case, I just keep my bad mood and try not to bother others. Consequently, my bad mood get worse, because I can't really do anything about it but it is preventing me to enjoy the day or other's company.
When I have enough, I force myself to understand what it is causing it. This might make it even worse, because I can not understand why, and I hate not to have control on myself.

Fear

I would like to ask whether fear is a sign of elderly. Whether you have more fear when you get older, because you are more mature, you think about all what you could lose, all what could happen, all what happens already in the world, because you are aware of it. Whether you begin to think about yourself being finite, powerless, and not able to influence most events, just feeling like you are more flowing in a river with different currents and that you can only decide which one is the stronger one, but not which currents contribute to your motions. Whether you feel responsible for someone and for something, but you can give very few support.

Reading in silence

I would like to ask why I am able to concentrate reading a book when there is complete silence, or as well when it is the complete loud chaos - but not in situations inbetween. I managed to isolate my self from the outside world in a constipated train where crying babies and discussing students were evaporating. I managed as well to ignore what was happening in the striking airport sitting on the floor or a busy waiting spot. Or, I was reading listening to the silence of the living room in a winter evening, when no cars drive on the iced road and no birds fly.

Move approaching

I would like to ask why this time it is so hard to move. Since 10 year, I am moving within the same town, or the same country, or somewhere else more often than every two years. So, it is not that I am not used to it. I can't see what is different, this time.

Deep point times

I would like to ask what are the things that on average most people would use to improve their mood or simply feel better. Of course, some people want to teach us truths like "life is a gift and you should be happy also just for that", or "Life is so short that you should not lose your time complaining and feeling bad", or again that "You can only find real happiness within yourself and when you are in peace with your consciousness, after you behaved properly". And so on. But for me, and also for most people I know, there are always moments in which I feel like I could never do anything right in my life and I never will, or I have just messed up on something important and feel terrible, or I simply do not know what I want, what to do, which decision to take.

Speak out!

I would like to ask why, in many occasions, people do not say clearly what they think. And, if it is about someone, they do not say it to that person.
There are some cultural causes. When no opinions about people are involved, it can be that we do not want to contradict our boss, or our parents, or our best friends. Or that we do not want to hurt them. Or to be impolite interrupting them. Or because you are younger and not allowed to talk, because elders are always right. Or because you are a woman and not allowed to talk, because woman can not have opinions. Or because you are not an expert, you don't know what happened. Or because.

Stupid spoiled sadness

I would like to ask what is this stupid spoiled sadness that comes on the Sunday evening, thinking that tomorrow is Monday, that I have to put an alarm clock, stand up, go to work, meet people I do not want to see and discuss about things I do not care. I should at least appreciate I could put the alarm within a time window of 2 hours, but no, I force myself to go as early as possible, in order to be able to leave as early as possible.

Home smell

I would like to ask where does that smell come from. The smell of the sweatshirt I took out clean from the cabinet, that one I did not wear in a while. Putting it on, a rare but familiar smell reached my nose. The washing powder that my mum uses, 800 km away and in another country.

Making ideas real

I would like to ask why some people (including myself) thinks about beginning a new hobby or activity, but then they get stuck in some thoughts of enormous difficulties about what it means to start something new, or just get disappointed after a first shy trial.
It does not have to be a new work activity, nor moving to another town, where I could share some apprehension and worry, as well as a deep pondering about pros and cons. I refer more to the little things that make our lives richer, happier, or simply more interesting: a new hobby, a new class, a new sport activity.

Love for work

I would like to ask why I do not have his enthusiasm, his passion in what he is doing. I would be happy to have one tenth of it.

Sitting

I would like to ask how many people sometimes just sit on their favorite spot on a chair, sofa, bench, stone, and just... sit. No computer, book or knitting in their hands, no pets, no kids. You might hold in your hands just a cup of hot chocolate, or tea or coffee. That's it. Well, I also allow you to have a pillow if you are more confortable, or you need something to squeeze. And a cover, if you are cold. But that's it. Nothing else.