I would like to ask what is this stupid spoiled sadness that comes on the Sunday evening, thinking that tomorrow is Monday, that I have to put an alarm clock, stand up, go to work, meet people I do not want to see and discuss about things I do not care. I should at least appreciate I could put the alarm within a time window of 2 hours, but no, I force myself to go as early as possible, in order to be able to leave as early as possible.
I know not few people who would be so happy to have this problems. I have read of people who would dream about working 8 hours per day, 5 days a week. I am aware of the luck I have living 30 minutes away from the company I work for and having four ways to get there by different modes of transportation. And no word needs to be said about the safety of getting every month some money on my bank account.
Still, I can not help about being stressed and unhappy on the Sunday evening, when I think about the following day - and worse, the week that follows. Just the idea of the early start is depressing, as it means being tired and susceptible all day. And the day is spent doing things one has to do, and not wants to do. Is there at all any activity I could enjoy? Sometimes, not even the breaks are that great.
I don't think this is the way it is supposed to be. Also because I spend so much effort in convincing myself about the beauty and utility of my work, effort that I could use rather for something else. Result, I am exhausted. Not surprisingly, as I have to add to every work activity a psychological motivation to do it - sometimes quite easily done, sometimes really hard, and then the duty gets shifted to the following week, and it become a nightmare which fills up the whole week, for getting eventually done on the Friday after-lunch in order to save the weekend.
It can't be this way. I am doing something wrong, my colleagues are doing something wrong, my company is doing something wrong. On my side, I can try not to take things so personally. There are people who consider their job just a way to survive and concentrate their best energies on their hobbies and passions. I am not one of those, I always thought I could rather enjoy my work and try to use my best quality for it, learning and teaching, and improving, so that a win-win situation would establish. But, if this does not work, well, I will just try to get some distance. Just get the dull stuff done in the quickest and tidiest way (not necessary perfect, but sometimes perfection is not needed anyway). Just swallow decisions you do not agree with and go on with your tasks. Just do only what you are supposed to do, say as few words as possible if you really can't shut up and... check for openings around. Maybe I'll be gone prior to what I think...
And anyway: honestly, it can't be all my fault.
I know not few people who would be so happy to have this problems. I have read of people who would dream about working 8 hours per day, 5 days a week. I am aware of the luck I have living 30 minutes away from the company I work for and having four ways to get there by different modes of transportation. And no word needs to be said about the safety of getting every month some money on my bank account.
Still, I can not help about being stressed and unhappy on the Sunday evening, when I think about the following day - and worse, the week that follows. Just the idea of the early start is depressing, as it means being tired and susceptible all day. And the day is spent doing things one has to do, and not wants to do. Is there at all any activity I could enjoy? Sometimes, not even the breaks are that great.
I don't think this is the way it is supposed to be. Also because I spend so much effort in convincing myself about the beauty and utility of my work, effort that I could use rather for something else. Result, I am exhausted. Not surprisingly, as I have to add to every work activity a psychological motivation to do it - sometimes quite easily done, sometimes really hard, and then the duty gets shifted to the following week, and it become a nightmare which fills up the whole week, for getting eventually done on the Friday after-lunch in order to save the weekend.
It can't be this way. I am doing something wrong, my colleagues are doing something wrong, my company is doing something wrong. On my side, I can try not to take things so personally. There are people who consider their job just a way to survive and concentrate their best energies on their hobbies and passions. I am not one of those, I always thought I could rather enjoy my work and try to use my best quality for it, learning and teaching, and improving, so that a win-win situation would establish. But, if this does not work, well, I will just try to get some distance. Just get the dull stuff done in the quickest and tidiest way (not necessary perfect, but sometimes perfection is not needed anyway). Just swallow decisions you do not agree with and go on with your tasks. Just do only what you are supposed to do, say as few words as possible if you really can't shut up and... check for openings around. Maybe I'll be gone prior to what I think...
And anyway: honestly, it can't be all my fault.
No comments:
Post a Comment